A Polite, Loud Rejection

 

In trying to convince her, You would make promises to treat her better because you think she deserves better. You want to put a pearl on someone comfortable being another person’s swine.

This is where it gets interesting. You have convinced yourself you are in love because of errant fleeting emotions that does not care if you are loved in return. Chances are, it is your penis that just wants a taste and you think it is love. 

Chances are high that you would fail in the latter because in trying to live up to your promises, you tolerate bullshit, profess love even though it is unrequited, apologize when she is wrong and spend money to impress her while making verbal confessions on the depth of your love. You successfully meet all the requirements for being tagged a good guy – the guy she thinks she want but knows she can’t be with because you are boring and easy to control. 

Hence, she could stay with you but cheat on you, knowing full well your arms wait in comfort no matter what. In some cases, she wouldn’t even find you attractive enough to have sex with her. You keep doing everything in hope of sex and her love but she could always find excuses knowing fully well, you would keep waiting in hope – (many victims of cuckoldery suffer from this). 

This is why you find yourself asking why she treats you like this despite everything you have done. To be fair, you can’t negotiate genuine desire. She either loves you or she doesn’t. You chose to rescue her, she didn’t ask you to. Worshipping her everyday is boring for her. 

There is an excitement that comes with dating toxic people that leave people stuck in the relationship. They are interesting when they are not being abusive and romantic when making up for the toxicity. People tend to love the 2 faced relationship than the ever angelic one. 

If someone decides to stay in a toxic life, it is not your duty to rescue them by offering them a better one. What they need is therapy if they are damaged. Your relationship is not a therapy session. Don’t bring someone into your life in the hope that you would heal them. 

Similarly, don’t date toxic people hoping that you would change them. A relationship is not an evangelism. You are not Jesus. It even speaks low of you that you are pleading with someone treated poorly to consider you. How is that a win? How do you want to be respected? 

One major problem with this concept of love is the fact that people are indifferent about being loved in return. They just want to satisfy their errant emotion or personal lust. Time would reveal how stupid you have been because to love is to give and to receive love. 

Sometimes, the woman is even happy in her toxicity. Why are you chasing her? There is no soul mate or woman of dream anywhere. There are many women in the dating pool from which you make a pick. It is always embarrassing seeing guys begging someone to love them. 

You throw money, buy gifts, make promises, beg day and night – writing 300 word essay on how she gives meaning to your life, how you can’t breathe without her, how you would kiss flies away from her butt, how you would give her the treasures of Solomon if she would look your way. 

She knows you are good. She just doesn’t want someone kissing the floor she walks on. She wants leadership – toxic or awesome. She would read your text after the first round of sex with her guy and just call you a good boy before hoping on the toxic penis for round 2. 

Fact is, with such level of obsession, when you meet her, you are overly eager to impress, that you get weak at the knee and might even stutter. She would appreciate your love and call you good guy but that is not a compliment. It is a polite but loud rejection. 

Stop throwing diamonds to people comfortable being abused. They can’t appreciate it. Love is not blind – you are the one who is blind. When you burn, we will be here to lie to you that they don’t deserve you. You were always the joke. You accept the love you think you deserve. 

Stop trying to chase someone whose feelings for you you’re not sure of. It sounds desperate and helpless. At best, it is a Pyrrhic victory but question is, at what cost? A cold comfort is not comfort. Stop fighting too hard to love who doesn’t love you. 

Rather than save her, save yourself from the desire to save her. You’ll not be her greatest love, you’ll never make her happy, you’ll hurt yourself whilst trying to heal her. Heed me, or you pay in soul. I will not belabour the point any further. 

I hope you find the love you think you deserve. If you are happy, we will be happy for you. If you are not, we will also be happy for you. 

Peace, Love and Spaghetti

Writer: Joseph Adotei Addo